Me being Honest: Why suffering is a gift

Someone I don’t really respect, in fact I really don’t even like him, was once my editor when I was writing for some Catholic outsources. I have this sort of natural style I sort of lean towards when I write: analytical, critical, sharp, intense and some would say arrogant… and I would have to agree. Well this editor started pushing me; he wanted me to write differently. He used to say, “How are you going to touch anyone writing like a piece of wood, if you don’t put yourself in your writing it won’t affect 99% of the people out there, and 100% of people reading this!” I used to get so mad. Why do people care about me? Well it turns out that man was right. I can write volume after volume of purely intellectual works, but what is the point if I am not doing any good with it. Years later, I am still working on it. So now, I want to be honest, plain and sincere. I want to tell you what has really been going on behind the stage curtains of my life. This story is the same reason I took the last week off from blogging. I think the end note will be worth it, I hope you stick with me…this may be long… I hope my honesty can touch you in some way.

This last week was pretty rough for me. To start it off I have been fighting some summer bug that I just can’t get rid of for the last three weeks. I have been having a lot of difficulties with the university I will be studying at this semester. I am no longer friends with the group of people I spent the last four years with. My best friend too is in that group, it just is not good for me to be around her, which of course has not been fun.  I started out the summer looking set financially, well that all fell apart in the last few weeks. I feel like a stranger in my own home; I guess it isn’t really home anymore. My older brother, whom I used to look up to more than anyone, called me a bigot the other day. My parents agree with him but refuse to admit it, which I wish they would. I am supposed to be moving to a place where I don’t feel welcome; it feels as if I am that awkward cousin everyone forgets about. I am lagging far behind on my summer reading and studies. I’ve been working construction for my family, so I am not getting paid. And the other day I was sent this article… not pleasant. In this article, two men I know well and had considered to be pious and holy men are scandalized by actions of theirs. It really made me question a lot of what I have been surrounded by and the people I know. This has just been a tipping point; I am personally fed up with watching all the hope around me fly away.

 Now let me say, I am blest, there are more people out there who have it worse then I then who have it better. I know I am complaining, but I want you to get what is in my head.

 I have been walking around in this sort of haze, not knowing really where I am walking. The last few days were so crazy that I can’t really articulate the whirlwind of emotions I encountered. The only thing I remember is a lot of hopeless nights, a lot of sleepless nights, and a lot of weakness. What should I have done? Prayer seemed unimportant, to be frank. I could not grasp my head around how to handle all this nonsense. I made so many stupid mistakes, it is so obvious. Now I am one of those guys who gets calls in the middle of the night to talk to crying friends about their bad days. I just know how to shut up and listen, which is awesome, and I love being able to help. Lets be honest though, I clearly wasn’t in the best place to be giving advice this week, but the calls didn’t stop. I just pretended everything was fine. Now how did that affect me? Well, I sort of got annoyed… again being honest here. Why do I have to be this kid with this reputation of wisdom beyond his years, a guy who is supposed to know God and can help others find Him, what makes people think I am this really good and holy guy, do they know something I don’t? I never got any of it, but it is what I am asked to do.  I assure you I don’t know anything you don’t. Still there is something in all this. So one night in my bitter despair, I got a message. Basically saying “so we haven’t talked in… wow it’s been a while (what’s your last name again?)… so how are things?... good that’s cool, oh me you know same old stuff… I mean… (Insert drama and pain and suffering). I am not at all putting this down and I am so glad this girl came to me, but that’s just how it sounded in my head. So I am talking to her and just trying to let her vent, listening… then I say something that surprised me… “What a gift that is, how blest you are with graces to have endured such a thing…” yeah I don’t speak like that, or at least I didn’t use to. I am more like you know God is there, I know it’s hard, but it is natural. The whole blest and graces talk was so upbeat! I am so much more laid back then that. It just isn’t my style. So what was that all about? I had to look at myself and figure out why I said that. (Because I don’t just accept anything, I am ultra cynical, even about myself)

 What I found was something I have believed for a while, but something I tend to forget: I am lucky to suffer. No really I may be a little out there but I am sane, I promise. Let me tell you why I believe that.

 I was in high school, and one day a really good friend comes up to me, now she has been looking down for a while and so I wasn’t surprised to hear the shaking in her  voice, but what she said hit me hard. “Hey,---(my name)---, I am getting tested for cancer.”- me “WHAT!(angry)” –“yeah I have been going to the doctor a lot they think it’s cancer,” –“how come you didn’t tell me?” –“I haven’t told anyone” –“when do you get the results” –“two months and I will know for sure” –“that’s ridiculous, two months!(how sensitive right?)” –“yeah I know …” –“are you ok, really…” (here was probably the longest and most incredibly terrifying three seconds of silence in my life) –“I’m really scared…”—“Don’t be, you will be fine, I promise, nothing’s going to happen, it’s all going to be fine…”  I still don’t know why I said that. I probably shouldn’t have what if I turned out to be wrong. My friend just stared at me, I told her to go get lunch, we would talk more later. What I did next is the interesting part.

 Now before I tell you how the story ends I want you to know, I am no great guy, I just love intensely.

 So I left my friend and went straight to this chapel, and I knelt down and prayed harder than I ever had before. Decade after decade, so long that I know I missed a class or two. What was I praying? The same thing over and over again… “God save her; let me suffer instead…” I meant every word of it, and God answered my prayer. My days got harder and more challenging. God took all the things in my life I took for granted, the things I loved were taken. The Lord took from me, leaving my friend to be cleared and proclaimed perfectly healthy within a few months. Doctors were amazed, I wasn’t. Good answered me, I was lucky, no blest to suffer. The great saints talk about suffering as the great way to serve God, and save souls. Perhaps, there is no witness to Christ without suffering. It took threatening someone so important to me to finally get it. Still, there is so much more beauty to suffering (yes I said beauty). That knowledge deep in my being is why so many nights later I would be able to remind someone to be grateful for the strength to endure her suffering.

 On Christmas morning, did you ever come downstairs to see this really big box, and you start unwrapping it and open it to find another box, a bit smaller. You repeat the process again and again until you get to a really small box… at this point you are a little annoyed. Finally you open the last box and in it is the most wonderful and perfect present. For the longest time it seemed like you were being fooled, lied to by those who were supposed to love you. But then you get there and realize that all the waiting and endurance was worth it.  That is suffering… the gift wrapped so deep that it is difficult to distinguish as a gift until the end. I had forgotten that until recently. I lost hope because I lost sight of the purpose to suffering, the reason I begged God for it. I forgot how to love intensely.

 I am sorry I messed up, but hey what can you do but give it another go. Don’t look at these stories as a description of me, but as a look into yourself. Everyone is dealing with their own stuff right now. I get it. It is so hard to put up with all the little things and the big things seem so insurmountable that you might as well just give up. How are you supposed to deal with them, and still keep God in your life, and not only in your life but at the forefront of it? It’s not always an easy thing. Look at me, I failed pretty badly, but I am going to keep going. Hey, it’s not like I don’t still feel the way I have been all week, nothing got easier now that I remembered this. But it seems worth it again. Listen, life is never going to be simple or easy… and love is difficult for humanity because of original sin, but it is worth pursuing, because you all know what it is like to open a box and just feel incredible. That’s what God will do, if you don’t lose sight of Him and push through to the end… you will find everything you ever wanted, because His love is the gift, and suffering is the boxes… you are so close, just don’t lose sight of Him. Don’t give up, try again. Don’t lose hope. Pray for me and I will pray for you. God help us!

God Love you,

AMDG

Peter James d`Aquino

Blessed are the Pure in Heart

Presentation of Jesus in the Temple

Blessed are the Pure in Heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8)

When continuing on the journey to become a spiritual person, it is inevitable that you will come across obstacles like bad habits, impure thoughts, and vices. These plague the soul, but it does not mean that you are necessarily a bad person or that you are becoming a greater sinner. It means that you recognize the impurities that permeate your soul.This is an advantageous moment when you can examine yourself, and slowly, with grace, begin to correct the bad habits that plague your being.

The soul continually needs to be inspected and cleaned so as to make it a suitable dwelling for our Lord to work in. With God’s grace and the Holy Spirit we are able to build upon and maintain our souls, but to do so we must be open to them. We must pray regularly and examine our conscience so that when we see something wrong with our selves, we can use moments of prayer, meditation, and interior examination to, one by one, cleanse ourselves. If there is something like a TV show or activity that you do that prevents you from being Christ- like, it can hinder your soul from reaching a higher pitch of holiness. We sometimes become distracted and even neglectful when we are tied to worldly things. By  disconnecting from electronics or anything that has little value to our souls, we give ourselves more time to spend with God.

To be pure of heart we must rid ourselves of inordinate desires, and make our only desire God and His will. Start out small, because we can’t become new persons overnight unless God wills it. Devote more time to prayer or listen to some Catholic music.The same way the world saturates us so as to make us worldly, so too must we little by little fill our day with holy activities and actions. “If your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light,” (Matthew 6:22) therefore we must also, if we can, make holy images more frequent in our day.

Pray often, praise often, and ask often, open yourself to him and he will surely give to you all that you need.

Here's song you can listen to as well:Brian Doerksen- Purify My Heart

God Bless You,
Alfonse Amante de Dios

The Right Place the Right Time

Something happened to me today, August 1, that was not “part of my plan.” I have been nervous all day about starting a new job in the produce department of a local super market; I was also frustrated because I lacked any inspiration for writing a post that would be put up for today.  Everything I wrote sounded stale and unappealing and, frankly, un-inspired. I feared that I was out of juice and out of commission for writing this week. Now I did something wired instead of panicking about it I simply told myself “God’s will be done, he shall inspire me when he is ready.”

Ok so now here is the wired part, I felt a strong tug to just go to church and pray in the chapel in front of God. So, since I was home alone and planned to be back before anyone got home, I hopped into my car and drove the 2 miles to church. I had some difficulty parking, as usual because I am a new driver, but I got into the spot just fine. I found it odd to see so many cars in the parking lot on a Wednesday. I checked the church and there was no mass going on, as I thought would be the case, so I figured it was some other function and ignored it as none of my business. Now for some strange reason the same force that pulled me to come to church was pulling at me again, telling me to pray in the Respect Life Garden we have. The garden is a tiny thing with maybe half a dozen statues but a large number of flowers and shrubs; I have always found it very pretty and rather peaceful. Now once I got there I sat there trying to pray, unsuccessfully for I couldn’t quiet my mind. Then it started to drizzle and I watched as ants, flying bugs, and a rather flustered looking priest all ran for cover from the rain. Normally I would be one of them but for some reason that I don’t understand I just thanked God for cooling me down a bit and finally I got my mind quieted, and then someone showed up. I wasn’t mad about the intrusion into my prayer time, but sort of stunned that she had done so. I won’t use her name here; I’ll just call her M. So M says to me “I’m sorry if I’m intruding while you don’t want me to but, you’re so good to this parish, reading and EMing at the teen mass, and you look upset are you ok?” well I was startled I told her I was fine, sincerely hoping she would go away, but, she kissed me on the head and gave me a hug then and said “are you sure?” I thought about it a second and said “yes, but I seem to be getting rained on.” M smiled and said “you know what they say about God’s mercy and rain right?” “no?” I said. “God’s mercy in like a gentle summer rain.” She then got up and left.

I got up and thanked God for M and his inspiring her to say that to me. Once she was gone I prayed one of the most bliss-filled rosaries my heart has ever prayed, I thanked God for everything and I was so inspired by his glory. God got me to exactly the right place at exactly the right time just so that M could speak to me and just so that she could get me out of the rut I was in of disconnected prayer. I am having trouble using words to describe how I feel right now, however two very distinct thoughts hit me while I was praying that rosary. The first was that God, and his mother, to whom I am so greatly devoted to, has not abandoned or given up on me; I am forgiven through Christ and I am free to love God.  The second is that M was a child of God and of Mary, just like me, and so he used her to brighten my day. God most certainly is good and his mercy is refreshing and freeing.

For the Greater Glory of God,

Joseph Child of Mary

True Devotion to Mary

You may be wondering what brought as us kids together. We are not just a random assortment of young religious men and women. We were all brought together by Our Lady. We all preformed St. Louis de Montfort’s True Devotion to Mary. It is a wonderful way of expressing your Love for Our Lord through Our Lady.

True Devotion to Mary is not just a prayer you say, it is a way of life. You give yourself totally over to Our Lady as a slave, because being a slave to Mary is the same as being a slave to Jesus. Her will is the will of God. You live a life of giving yourself over to Mary and God. You become a slave to God’s will.

True Devotion to Mary begins with a 33 day preparation period. This is laid out by St. Louis de Montfort in his book True Devotion to Mary. Each week you concentrate on something different about the lifestyle you will be living. Each day contains a set a readings that you can mediate on. They will get you in the mindset of living a life totally devoted to Our Lady.

After the 33 days you make the act of consecration. You should plan that this day to be on a Marian feast such as Our Lady of Lourdes. You should go to confession then to mass. During mass after the Homily is when you make the act. The priest doesn’t have to know you are doing it you can just kneel down at the offertory. We were lucky enough to have an intimate private mass but this is not necessary.

And again this is not just a prayer you say during mass; this is a way of life!  You will renew your consecration every year using the same method all over again. This is something that will stick with you the rest of your life.  You will begin to have a hunger to save souls.  A major part of your True Devotion will become prayer for the conversion of sinners. You can ask Mary to offer up the littlest things for the conversion of souls. She will guide you throughout your life making sure you follow God’s Holy Will

Once you make the consecration you find how Mary can be involved with your religious life. During Holy Communion you offer Jesus to Mary. You ask Mary to receive Jesus for you because you realize you are to unworthy to realize him the way you are. Mary will lend her heart out to you to receive Our Lord. You will soon find that where ever you find Mary you will find Jesus.

Mary is waiting for you. Don’t hesitate to start this process. It will truly change your life!

AMDG

God Is Love

Peter Martin

The Continuous Prayer of the Church, The Divine Office

 Have you ever gone to a Catholic store and seen so many prayers books and couldn’t decide which one you wanted? Why not try and pick up the official prayer book of the Catholic Church? Yes such a thing does exist, it is real and it’s called the Divine Office.

The Divine Office is a set of prayers the all Religious are required to say. It is based on the psalms of the Old Testament.  You will actually say all 150 psalms if you say the office regularly. The Divine Office is split into different “hours” which you will say throughout the day. The Divine Office also corresponds with the mass of that day. So the same prayers you say during the divine office are the same or very similar to the prayers the priests says at mass. And a reading you hear during mass you might read during the Divine Office.

If you pray the Divine Office, then you are praying with the whole Church. This is because all priests, Bishops, consecrated men and woman, deacons, most seminarians (some of which are obligated to say the office) and some lay people are praying the same prayers. You are even praying along with the Pope himself! I personally think that is very cool and goes only with the sense of a universal Catholic Church where all its members can prayer the same prayers. Also the prayers that you say are the prayers that your favorite saints have prayed all those years ago! The divine office or liturgy of the hours is the continuous prayer of the Church. The reason for the obligation is to insure that the Church is constantly praying. The idea is that someone, somewhere in the world, is always praying for the Church and for the surrounding world.”

Also the Divine Office will become part of your life when you start praying it. I’ve found that the day doesn’t feel like it’s started unless I begin with the Divine Office. You can just try and start out slow. You can get the Christian Prayer breviary which is only some of the daily hours and a good place to start out. Once you start it will be hard to stop.

God Is Love,

AMDG

Peter Martin

Forgiveness: The Prisoner That It Really Frees Is You

For my section of the Lux Mundi blog, my goal is to give you one tip of advice per post for you to change your life to live more like Jesus did. In my first post I asked you to greet every person you pass, whether you know them or not, with a warm smile and say hi. In this post, I'm going to ask you for something probably more difficult for us people. Us people as in a people who hold grudges, a people who would much rather hate someone then love them despite their faults. I'm going to ask you to forgive. I don't want you to just forgive others when they apologize for what they've done. I want you to forgive others BEFORE they apologize. Even if they never apologize, I want you to forgive them! It's not healthy for you to be angry. I once read in the book The Five People You Meet in Heaven, "Anger is a curved blade, you only hurt yourself." Your being angry does NOT affect the other person whatsoever, despite popular belief. You're only hurting yourself, because your making yourself a prisoner enslaved by that person's actions. You may think I'm wrong for saying that, but just think about it. When you're holding a grudge against someone... who usually seems more upset? You or the other person? You! There you go, you just proved it to yourself!!

This insight came to me when I was driving in my car one day listening to the KLove radio station (96.7 FM). Matthew West was talking about a new song he wrote. The song is called Forgiveness. He said that a woman named Renee once wrote to him telling a story about her daughter. She wrote that her daughter, Megan, was killed by drunk driver, Eric, at 20 years old. Eric was sentenced to 22 years in jail. Renee lived from then on in bitterness and hatred for Eric. However, Renee was wise. She decided to visit Eric in jail and forgive him for what he had done. Without him ever even saying sorry!! She asked the judge to allow Eric to be released early from jail. Renee wanted Eric to travel the country with her to give talks on drunk driving. Only after personally forgiving Eric, Renee was able to live her life happily. Her forgiveness literally freed Eric from being a prisoner. However, the prisoner that it really freed was Renee. This is a powerful and true story which is proof that sincere forgiveness can be given even for the worst and final of actions.

I can honestly tell you that the past few times my friends or family have wronged me, I sincerely forgave them. It feels good for two reasons. First of all, it feels great to sincerely forgive someone for what they have done, because you know everyone makes mistakes, and you won't be angry anymore. Secondly, it feels even better to just know that you are living more like Jesus did. It's a fulfilling feeling to know that you are doing something Jesus would have done. It's not something simple. Forgiveness is something to be proud of yourself for. Show it off, show off your forgiveness.

"Being Christian means forgiving the inexcusable, because Jesus forgave the inexcusable in you." -C.S. Lewis

-The Heart You Set Free

The Greatness of God's love

Have you ever had someone special, like a mother, father, or grandparent? Have you ever loved them so much that you spent hours planning and preparing some sort of event for them, like a party, a date, or a day out on the town? I have, and on those occasions I want EVERYTHING, every little detail, to be perfect. I also die of embarrassment when something does go wrong or not as I planned, and something normally does because I am imperfect. Now if you’re reading this blog chances are you believe in Jesus Christ, just like me. If you do, then you know God; the almighty, all-powerful, all-knowing creator; became man and died. God loves you so much he was nailed to a cross, and while this one example is the greatest example of them all, we can see God’s love acting today and every day.

While the cross is an amazing example of God’s love, I’d like to show you another that is too often over looked by, well, everyone. It is God’s own will that keeps reality in existence. If God decided that he wanted to start completely over he could just will us all into oblivion, but God is all good and all love so we trust that that will never happen. We humans are a bright bunch, but we don’t know everything about the universe. We can only imagine all the things God has created out there, but God knows where every speck of dust in the universe is at all times, ISN’T THAT INCREADABLE! Stars shine, planets move, and black holes do their thing all because God simply wills it. God has a plan for everything from Galaxies to stars and planets. But that isn’t all; there are things so small we can’t perceive them!!! All the people, plants, and animals on earth, only exist because God loves us and wills our continued existence. But on an even smaller level, every cell in your body does its job, why, because God made them to and commands them. He also has a plan for and controls where every atom in the entirety of existence is, was and will be. God even wills Quarks and other sub-atomic particles into existence, and not only does he will them to exist but with no more effort than a thought he commends them to do as he wills. He controls all these things more seamlessly then the most skilled puppeteer so EVERYTHING falls exactly where and when it is supposed to, exactly the way it is supposed to.

I can't fathom the love he must have....to have fashioned into being everything that exists on the grand scale but not letting a single atom, electron, or even a quark come out of place all simply for love of what He has made. My only challenge this week is to think about that, take ten minutes and just think about how much God loves YOU. Remember God loves each of us individually, he doesn’t just love “the world” or “mankind” he loves YOU in individually. While He loves the world and He loves man kind YOU HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE IN GOD’S HEART!

--- Joseph Child of Jesus